Will The Real Ms. Shortcake Please Stand Up?

Admittedly, I was never the greatest fan in the world of Strawberry Shortcake. I did, however, think she was pretty cute, and darned lucky to live in a dessert- world and not gain a pound. Then I saw something that made me... upset.

Wtf, mate? Who the bleep is this? The Shortcake I'm familiar with at least looked like this:

I would even accept the somewhere-in-between version that tried to be modern and ended up kind of reminding me of Saved By the Bell:

Maybe I'm not the only one. Maybe you're reading this right now, thinking, hey- I've seen that impostor before! Or maybe you're saying, Riddy, I do not understand. Riddy, this is not a big deal. To that I say, it IS a big deal! First Tinkerbell looks like a Las Vegas stripper, and now this???? Where does it end? Does Raggedy Ann get blue leather thigh-highs a miniskirt soon? Gah, I'm too angry to type. I should go do work or something.